I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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