I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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