is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
