i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
