Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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