shes about as inviting as chlamydia
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
