finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
