Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
