At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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