So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
