i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize