You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
