Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
