I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
