I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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