Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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