Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
