Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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