It was confusing and full of hummus
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
