Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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