the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
