Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
