i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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