I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
