I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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