Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
