peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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