matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
look no pants
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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