Porn is love you can see.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
