I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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