Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
