Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize