i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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