I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My pussy is not your playground.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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