oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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