I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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