someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm really busy with my period
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