this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
