you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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