That's when you crack a 10am beer
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
