DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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