how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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