There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
