: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
