I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
