Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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