ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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