just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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