Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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