I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
