yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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