Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
