My friends, they love my intelligence
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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