I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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