I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
