Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
