put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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