I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
