i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
