Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
