I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
