help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm at about main and main street
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
