And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
