oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
