So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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